When I was little I grew up in a loving home but there were some things that happened in my life that I wish never did. When I was eight years old I was s-xually abused by a young man who was babysitting me, I was also the object of other perverted men and perverted children too. My Mom was living with a man for many years who was cruel to our family, I felt kind of like a zombie during that time of my life and even attempted to run away twice. Eventually, my Mom got him out of our lives and I was relieved.
When I was about 16 I was really thinking about God. I always believed in the one true God, whoever he was, and believed that the King James Bible was the word of God. I also knew that something was not right with all these religions and modern versions, it did not make sense. Although I believed the word of God I chose to stay away from churches and bibles until I was absolutely sure that I had the truth. Around this same time I also saw talk shows on TV that featured stripp-ers and I thought that what they did was pretty neat, I decided that when I moved away from home that this was what I was going to do while I was going to college. Although I did not complete college and I started working in strip clubs when I was 20 years old I did not plan to stay there long I had interests in doing something in the entertainment industry, namely acting. Strip-ping in the early 1990's brought in satisfactory money for me in the beginning but a year later it changed drastically: lap-d*ncing was ruled legal this brought about touching and pros-titution into the clubs this was going beyond my boundaries I was not willing to pros-titute myself or let anyone touch me as a result my income suffered and eventually I could no longer rely on freelancing instead I had to be scheduled and the money that the club paid was basically minimum wage.
I did try to look for minimum wage jobs but with no success it was the same situation that I was dealing with in my teenage years: lack of experience. Also there was a recession. I was rarely called to an interview and in my entire time of dancing, nine years, I was only hired twice: the one position was through a program with social assistance but when that that finished I was let go even though my boss made a case with the head honcho for me to stay the answer was still no I had to go. It was free wages for the company so why not. The second place that I was hired was at a deli in a grocery store, which lasted two months before I was fired because although they claimed that I was great with the customers I just was not fast enough at serving them. The one time I was even kicked off of social assistance because my social worker was not satisfied with my work search. Even when I got to the point of wanting to leave strip-ping I couldn't because it was my only means of income. I told myself that I would never go through student loans again and that if I went back to school I would work for it I didn't want to have to pay back a student loan. There was also the thought of what if I did go back to school and I still didn't get work even after graduating? I traveled around to different clubs to work: sometimes the money was good and many times it was not. Where was this hundreds and thousands of dollars that I was supposed to be making that I heard about? Well, I knew what it took to make that sort of money and I was not willing to do that men would ask me to do more but I refused, so they would move on to the next dancer who would say "yes" to their offer. As the years went by I got angrier with men than I ever had before I started dancing. Eventually it got to the point where I decided to choose who I would let touch me I worked it out so that none of the other patrons would spot me playing favorites and it did help my income somewhat.
In the late nineties I was thinking about God a lot and had wanted to search his word but never got a Bible. I prayed to him one time that I would do his will if I knew what it was. I didn't even know how to get to Heaven but I was pretty sure that it was not by doing good works like some people taught. I remember when I was working in one of the clubs I was talking with a young guy, who came to watch the stage shows, about spiritual things. There was also another time that I brought it up with a different guy whom I met in another club. Towards the very end of my dancing days I was considering becoming a feature attraction something that would pay me to put on big stage shows without having to do table dancing and I was working towards that. However, money was getting really bad again and this time around it truly had me worried. I had prayed to the Lord again and one time I asked him to send a special man into my life which he did (a man whom later received the Lord Jesus Christ as his saviour and serves God in the same Church that I go to) this man befriended me and told me about a club in Toronto that girls liked working in because they didn't hustle if the guy wanted time with a girl he had to pay through the bookie and later they would pay us at the end of the night: this ensured that we did not get ripped off by guys and I liked the fact that I wouldn't be talking with them unless they were paying for my time.
So I moved to Toronto and lived in one of the rooms that they kept for the girls like I did whenever I went to work at a club the money was good at first but unfortunately lap d*ncing was more in demand in this particular club and I felt the pressure of this demand it was really getting to me mentally. When I told this to the man whom God had brought into my life he and his sister took it upon themselves to help me leave the industry and get myself on my feet, they told me not to worry about the rent and the bills but just to concentrate on looking for a job. That is what I did and suddenly opportunities opened up to me with minimum wage jobs. It was the break that I needed! When that happened I forgot about becoming a feature and working in clubs altogether I quit on Halloween 2002. Not all of the jobs I got worked out for me but it built up my experience and I quickly learned what I was good at and what I liked doing. I also owe my thanks to a dancer whom I worked with for giving me a lead to a call center where I worked for a long time!
In 2004 God answered the desire in my heart for wanting to know the truth: I found a gospel tract for the Church where I am. I decided that I would check this church out and when I did I heard real preaching for the first time I was convicted that the truth was being spoken there and some time after that I was convicted strongly by the Holy Spirit on the truth about salvation. Right then I called out to God to save my soul and forgive my sins, that I wanted the free gift of Jesus sacrifice on the cross: I knew my guilt before God and I desired to live righteously. This felt like a breath of fresh air. Afterwards I went back to that Church with the intention to stay and serve God.